Dreaming with the Devil

I had a dream with the devil. Still contemplating if it was a dream or not. As the true geek that I am, I did a little research on the matter. 172,000 million hits popped up, varying from religious, astrological and satanic worshippers manifesting how you ought to read the bible and let "God show you the light" to other more extreme opinions proclaiming the end of the world is near. I took the less drastic perspective. Dreams are visual precursors of our subconscious. They are in an encrypted language. In essence dreams are a manifestation of our inner self.

Did I mention, I had a dream with the devil? So that should tell you something. I always tell myself today is the day- the day where everything will somehow magically fall into place. Today is the day, I will wake up refreshed and make the most out of it. Today is the day that I start doing sit ups again and my chronic back and stomach aches disappear. More so, today is the day I put my financial debt on an excel spread sheet and begin on this fun and exciting journey called "Adulthood" [please insert a sarcastic tone followed by a long pause].

But today is simply the day I decide to write. Not some grand witty story- just write.

You see, the very little time that I spent in Taiwan has served as a mechanism of self evaluation. No matter where you are or what you do- a routine is still a fucken routine, and no matter how much you try to avoid falling deep within its wrath, it's nearly damn unavoidable. Work will be work, love will be love, as heartache and deception will also be just that. And the way you decide to carry on in life is completely and utterly up to you.

Over the past year or so I have been stuck in a rut (for lack of a better word). A soul searching mentally draining kind of rut. Some find their niche in Buddhism, art, making money or helping those less fortunate which ultimately becomes their drive and greater force in life. It's a force that allows them to find peace and happiness within themselves and all around them. I haven't quite reached that point and to be frank I don't think it exist. Happiness is merely a transitional point leading to a less happy state of mind. In any case I have yet to be proven wrong but still completely jealous of those who have found their niche. So with this cynical view of mine I'm sure it's damn nearly impossible to find this "peace and happiness place."

For a long time I stopped writing, never lost interest, just got lazy and caught up on simply living and not reflecting. Not the taking the necessary measures to nourish my body- mentally, physically and spiritually.

It's the second week of Chinese New Year's and it tends to be the more spiritual part of it. I usually walk outside to a deep layer of ash floating in the air. It's an ancient Chinese tradition to burn money as a form of reverence to the Gods hoping that the God's receive the money somewhere in "God land" and bring fortune for the upcoming year. People also go to remote countryside's and buy these huge paper lanterns, write their wishes on the lanterns, light them on fire and watch them fly into the abyss of the dark sky. I've heard that others write all their negative thoughts on little pieces of paper and burn it in a huge fire bin outside temples, as a form to rid one's self of all the negativity within you.

If I had money I would burn it. I already lit the lantern in a majestic countryside but it was raining and I don't think they will receive the memo.

But, for what its worth, tomorrow morning before I begin my 7 minute walk to the bus stop, my 10 minute wait for brown bus 9, and my 35 minute bus commute to Taipei Suburbia, all in effort to begin my daily routine of lesson planning and teaching bratty kids and even brattier adults- I think I'm going to make a quick pit stop at the temple across the street. I need to dump some trash out.

In the great words of Morgan Freeman in Shawshank Redemption, "you either get busy dying or get busy living!"

I prefer the latter.